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November 11, 2005

Comments

Vernon Eppard

You did a good job of giving reasons of why the jury would have acted differently from one time period to the next.

You however used words that made your entire post lose conviction. Feel and believe make it sound like you are unsure of whether or not what you are saying is right. It's helpful to avoid the first person. When you do that you eliminate the possibilty of the phrase "We believe."

Also, your post lacks credibility in another way. You do not site any source in the actual writing. There aren't any books or websites sited that can give a proffessional's expert opinion to strengthen your assertion. Try to find something in the text book that would fit in to your paper. There is not much material online to use but the text book has atleast a few references for you to use.

Lastly, you may want to work on your topic sentences. These are the sentences at the begginning of each paragraph and tells exactly what the paragraph is about. Make sure that your topic sentences do just that.

James Kim

Hey Group. I thought your thesis statement was well confined and arguable. I also felt that you guys backed it up in your body paragraphs. One suggestion I have for your group is to fix the sentences up grammar-wise. For example, the first couple of sentences in your third paragraph could have been fixed up to sound more clearer. Another suggestion I have for you guys that would make your paper stronger is adding and citing more sources. My last suggestion for you guys is to decrease the amount of the word "believe" in your paper. When reading your paper, I felt as if the essay lacked confidence.

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